god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
