know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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