they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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