Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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