he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
