11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
