I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
