closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
