He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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