How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
