I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
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Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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