Don't you send me to vm
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
