what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
