Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
