there's paper in my vomit.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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