So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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