They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
