That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
