I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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