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And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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