I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize