I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
