Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
