Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
