last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
