She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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