My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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