thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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