my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
