his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I have vodka in my lungs
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
