i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
