She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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