Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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