You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
