Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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