if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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