dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
