I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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