He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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