I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize