I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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