THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
