He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think i have two assholes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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