Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
