Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
