someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
