I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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