The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize