Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
