a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
