I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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