PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
