I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
