pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
