you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
