redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
