the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She just used a chaser for red wine.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
PANTIES FOUND
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize