mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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