Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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