I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
