whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
