i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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