I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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