No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
