I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
